When I was seven years old, I thought New York streets were gilded with gold. I was anticipating stepping foot onto those streets, having the gold rub off on the soles of my shoes. I had so many visions of what life in America would be like, filled with shine and luster and a neverending supply of grapes - an expensive export good in the Philippines. My father, who for some time I had referred to as the man who brought grapes, always brought them in bagfuls when he came home every year to visit my mother and I. And finally, after seven years of stunted visits and unfamiliar hugs, we were going to be a family. And my father would be my father, not just the grape bearer. And we were all going to live happily ever after in the gilded gold kingdom of Queens.

It turns out, that the streets were not paved with gold, but rather dry gum, garbage, and often the smell of urine. From this experience of broken hopes, I've come to associate anticipation with many of the world's evils. It's right up there with war, murder, and people who like to cut me off on the highway. Anticipation is more than just your expecation or your eagerness for something to happen. It's your vision of that event. And oftentimes, we're not very level headed about those visions. We imagine either the worst or the best, which are the ingredients that cause heartbeats to pound at the speed of light.

So if I were a doctor, I'd prescribe some anti-anticipation medicine for those who experience hypertension and the like. Why get yourself all riled up, if in the end all you'll find is a wad of gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe instead of the promised gold?

I didn't realize I was this bitter about the lack of gold streets in New York. I'm disillusioned, that's all. I have been since the age of seven when we rode the taxi from JFK to Woodside, Queens, and passed by dark, grungy neighborhoods. I remember asking myself, while freezing in the 60 degree Spring weather, "I left my tropical paradise in the Philippines for this place? There better be grapes on the table when we get to where ever we were going!"

But while anticipation can dampen the course of events, I think we need that rush of excitement, that hope, that eagerness to get through life. We have to be excited about what comes next. We have to anticipate the future, otherwise we really wouldn't have one. We'd end up living routine, unchanging lives.

So maybe, if I were a doctor, I wouldn't prescribe the anti-anticipation pills. Maybe I'd just tell my patients to stay level-headed, practical, and realistic. Anticipating gilded gold streets may be fantastical, but the never ending supply of grapes was at the grocery store just a few blocks away.

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Labels: Writing Prompts