So I am officially old... 25 years old... a quarter of a century old... that's a fourth of 100 years. And if yesterday is going to represent the culmination of 25 years or of the future to come, I don't think life is going to be too great.

My friend A at work told me that I would remember this day forever. She told me that as I grew older, I would definitely look back at what I did for my 25th birthday. And since it would go down in history, I should be out celebrating... having a good time.

My ex-best friend F and I are still not on good terms, so dinner plans with friends were cancelled about two weeks ago when the whole drama with her started. I thought I would at least spend time with my family... have dinner with my parents and little brother. But ofcourse, that got ruined. My mom pissed me off, and so I celebrated my birthday locked up in my room downing six shots of tequila with some tortilla chips and chili con queso. What an excellent welcome to the silver club.

There was nothing bittersweet about it. It was just... bitter, in the worst imaginable way.

F did drop off a present though, something she and R made, a calendar of pictures of all our friends and some friendship quotes. I haven't decided yet if it's sincere or if it's meant to be a slap in the face. She didn't call me for two weeks after I had called her to try and resolve things. And honestly, I think it's pretty arrogant for her to assume that some sentimental gift is going to make everything ok. I called her today, to try and feel out if she wanted to talk... and it sounded like she just wanted to get rid of me. I'm a bit confused. Does she want to be my friend or not? Does that present even have any meaning or value, especially since she's been treating me like shit?

It's hard... I feel it already, thinking of having to go through life on my own. It scares me, but I guess, in the back of my head, I knew that things would always end up that way. It's just that the realization of it is weighing me down. I feel dead. At 25. Dead.

I think it's time for me to start talking to someone again. No one is there. I scroll through the numbers on my phone, and there's no one to call. No one to spend a Saturday with.

I do such a great job of pushing everyone away. This is my fate. It's time for me to embrace it.