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chelleart
[ chelleart.net/blog ]
© 2006 to me. Seriously.
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Name: michelle
Location: New Jersey / New York, United States

jigga wha?

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& painting with expensive brushes
& looking through the viewfinder
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& grey's anatomy
& jake gyllenhaal
& fafi!

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& bad drivers
& passive aggressive behavior
& arrogance

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ChelleArt.net
My domain home, which is primarily used as a professional website. It houses my resume and other boring things employers need to know.

Seriously
I will soon be co-hosting a blog about the t.v. show Grey's Anatomy because my life could not get any more exciting.

My Blog
I put this here just in case you couldn't find your way back home.

Disclaimer:

I write about my life on this blog. And my life, like yours, is totally unpredictable. I cannot control the course of events, nor can I control the actions of the other characters, or my own reactions for that matter. So I write it down. To make it real. I apologize if you make a cameo appearance resulting in low ratings. It's not my fault that you continued to read about how much I hate you.

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Friday, September 29, 2006
Poetry Thursday: At Odd Times, I Trip

At Odd Times, I Trip

I.
Last night, I found you
again, your lost red slipper peaking beneath
the locked door. I thought
I almost heard it scratch at the wood,
the way rays stab open eyes at noon.
The sound hung like the sun,
daunting, blinding, ever-present,
warm. I kicked it back, stubbed
my little right toe, so
i sat frozen, only for a second,
to let the pain pass, the way
funeral cars travel,
slowly, heavily, like lungs taking
a breath too deep - pinky pain
seeping to an innocent toe, my feet
seeking together solace in stubbed misery.

II.
The presence of you trips at odd times.
The prescents of you trip at odd times.

III.
In my refusal to acknowledge you, floating
in the air as heavy mists do, i succumb,
and the memory of you condensates on
my face, legs, lips like dew on leaf. With
the back of my hand, I wipe off moisture.

IV.
There are days when the air is dry, when
I can taste stale dirt under my tongue - air
gritty, brown as cracked earth, dried blood.
Too difficult to swallow, so I choke.

V.
I keep that door locked, locking
in your scent, a red
sunset frozen in the retina
of my eye. When your presence trips,
I only give a blink, catch a swift whiff,
afraid the ghost of you will enter my lungs,
reach each cavity, and the ends and edges
will snap and fall, as red berries drop
from branches, onto asphalt,
painting the soles of stomping shoes,
leaving the tree dry.

__

This week's Poetry Thursday prompt was to explore the idea of synaesthesia as a poet, to allow our senses to merge and mingle with one another for a heightened experience of the physical and emotional world. I must admit that I found the task to be quite challenging, unable to successfully capture color as a sound, emotion, touch. I think I made the task even more complicated when I decided to include the idea of memory, of presence, and of loss and grieving into this poem. After I started writing, I realized that I was making the natural difficult. As poets, we do practice synaesthesia. We may not be grapheme --> color synaesthetes or music --> color synaesthetes, but we certainly and truly are life --> language synaesthetes, able to evoke the memory, emotion, and experience of our being through words. We see life in verbs and nouns, commas, line breaks, modifiers, beats, meter, rhyme. While most synaesthetes are solitary in their perception of the world, unable to transfer the experience to another unless that person is a synaesthete him/herself - we, as poets, are able to transfer our experiences, share it with others through language.

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Saturday, September 23, 2006
Photo Sharks: Sculptures, Art Objects

Making the sculptures of Paris our comic props.


Kissing Guppies.


Missing the whipped cream.


Photo Sharks Prompt: Sculptures, Art Objects

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Photo Friday: Girl



Youthful Promise

This portrait of my distant relatives was taken in the Philippines. I asked my mom this morning what the little girl's name was, and she couldn't recall. It's kind of sad in a way, that it's only been a month or so since we returned from our vacation there, and it's all a memory now.

Prompt provided by Photo Friday, topic: Girl.

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Thursday, September 21, 2006
Poetry Thursday: Learning to Breathe

Learning to Breathe

I.
I just learned how to swim.
I touch bottoms of deep pools,
six feet, seven, some
eight feet down
where worlds are always coudy,
bound.

II.
Pool tiles attract my skin
as magnets do
energy in the in-between
intimate and foreign
like gaps between lips,
top to bottom,
yours and mine, leaving
prints on fingertips,
the size of scars, a lash, a whip.

III.
In water, I am creature of the sea,
secreting secrets through simple strokes.
In water, I grow fins and
scales and shimmer in the light
in spite of airless lungs, i lunge,
without a set of gills, i lunge
into the depths, where
wounds are wombs in worlds,
cloudy, bound, like skin
twitching to a strange caress.

IV.
I did not just learn how to swim.
The water is a memory of faith,
that despite my airless lungs, I
can lunge and break
the surface, breathe again,
survive in gulps and glide
at bottom's depths, and live
without the fear that I
will drown.

V.
Water is a memory,
from mother earth we come not,
but from a whipping wave,
bound to mother sea.

___

This week's prompt at Poetry Thursday asked us to be true to our authentic selves. Up until this very moment, I always thought I would be victim to my periodic panic attacks and slight anxiety disorder. As odd as it may seem, swimming has helped me learn how to breathe - literally and figuratively. I can now control my breathing, both in the water and out, able to calm myself down successfully during an attack. Perhaps the weak and anxious girl I see in the mirror every morning is the facade my strong self carries. Maybe I was born a mermaid, and just neglected to flip my fins.

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Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Photo Friday: Bright

Photo Friday: Bright



Turn Away

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Photo Sharks: Bridges

Photo Sharks: Bridges



Without Railing

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Moody Monday: Absent



Still Swing Still

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Macro Day: Rain

Macro Day: Rain



Drop

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B & W Photo Challenge: La Mer

Black and White Photo Challenge: La Mer



Grave Cape Pakarang in Thailand.

Longboat left submerged.
Months after the tsunami,
In a grave sea of sand.

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Monday, September 18, 2006
One Deep Breath: Dogwood Dress

Prompt: Delicious Autumn from One Deep Breath

So, here the haiku goes...

Dogwood Dress

The dogwood leaves bruise,
Slouch to the breeze like shoulders
To an old purple dress.

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Stale Milk, UPS, and One Word

I think I just had some bad milk. That last spoonful tasted a bit sour. I have to stop gobbling down food, and take the time to taste what I'm eating. It's just that I love Frosted Flakes.

UPS woman called. They needed the order number to redeliver my long lost package. I've been wating for this box for almost three weeks. Late packages should arrive with interest. I wonder if I could coax Gap to add an extra pair of jeans with this delivery.

Anyway, to get the morning started off right - A little excercise from First Drafts:

Yourself: Inspired
Your partner: Lost
Your hair: Bedhead
Your Mother: Control
Your Father: Awkward
Your Favourite Item: Bookmark
Your dream last night: Strange
Your Favourite Drink: Amaretto
Your Dream Home: Forest
The Room You Are In: Unfinished
Your fear: Spiders
Where you Want to be in Ten Years?: Peaceful
Who you hung out with last night: Family
What You're Not: Aggressive
Your Best Friend: Fathima
One of Your Wish List Items: Mirror
Your Gender: Female
The Last Thing You Did: Eat
What You Are Wearing: Pink
Your favourite weather: Breezy
Your Favourite Book?: Marquez
Last thing you ate?: Cereal
Your Life: Beginning
Your mood: Motivated
The last person you talked to on the phone: Lorraine
Who are you thinking about right now?: Jake

Sunday, September 17, 2006
Poetry Thursday: Scat Stranger

for Poetry Thursday

Scat Stranger

Weakness is a stranger in my bed. He gnaws
at my grey pillow shams forgetting
to take off his socks. We make love to
Lady Ella - tone and horn filtering
through ears, unexpectedness of jazz
carrying hips through night. And
when the half moon is high above our heads,
the record repeats. But before it begins,

Silence is a stranger. This Silence wears a teal
bow tie, carries a cane. Teal as an antique teapot. He
is the antique, the pause between worlds.
Not serenity nor peace. I do not recognize
them. I come to shake their hands, but
they are white-gloved.
Trace their fingers over my collarbone
to pick up dirt - my, i'd not go to bed
with that - and i curve under covers.

Before the record repeats, Silence
whispers in my ear, so close i cannot hear,
leaving my neck cold and hungry. He
puts down his cane and forgets
to take off his socks, and
his bowtie, like a dancer in a naughty club,
wearing bells around his hips as he tap dances
tap tap tap
to the edge of the stage and I touch abdomen
to play the record. It scratches,
crackles,
a bonfire, sparks
rise, gives birth
to Love, my stranger, who is friend
enough to not forget to take off his socks.

I must feel toes to know a stranger, to
be a friend. Know the curves, how
sharp the nails. But Love, without socks,
has toes the bark of trees, like memories
rough and rigid, repeated. How strange
that we
become three, with a
tap tap tap
after the horns and the tone
after Lady Ella sings her scat.

**

The more I tried to become the other person, the more I became myself.

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Friday, September 15, 2006
Why lifesavers are not so sweet

Top five reasons why lifesavers are not so sweet.

5. Jolly ranchers are much sweeter.
4. If you're doing the saving, who's going to save you?
3. We don't all fit into that little ring in the center.
2. You should be able to save yourself.
1. In the selfless act of saving, you could lose your life.

Not to sound nihilistic or anything, but I've been trying to save H's life for years and it's not getting anywhere, so I might as well just give up. I mean, I don't want to give up on him - I love him and care about him more than any pair of shoes. I think by give up, I mean I'm going to give up my lifesaving attempts. I know his habits will always be an issue with me, but I realize now that I can't really save him from that. In fact, I don't even know how to save him from that, even if he wanted to be saved.

We function well on cold nights, when bodies need each other to stay warm. I don't think it's too healthy, but I can't seem to make a clean break from him. Rational minds and good friends warn me, advise me that I need to distance myself from H, and I listen to their solid arguments, yet I refuse to listen to my own logic and reason. There is still a part of me wishing that he will change. Maybe he'll really throw away those lighters. Maybe he'll actually study for class. Maybe he'll want more out of life, instead of focusing on the partying and the drinking and the drugs. Maybe pigs fly. Maybe I actually am that naive.

It isn't as easy as I thought. To say goodbye to four years: four years of love and fighting, but probably only one year of chocolate and flowers. My philosophy on true love at present is that even after the honeymoon stage, you'll still have that overwhelming feeling you felt during the first kiss. It may not be as often, or as long, or as strong - but it will be there. It will come in small outbursts, natural, low-key, laid back moments that mean much more than the extravagant displays of affection during those first few months. Because honestly, you don't need the extravagance - just the thought. And right now, H and I are not having any of those moments, actually not for some time now.

It becomes this ritual with me, a ritual of "next times." Maybe next time, he'll say something sweet. Maybe next time, he'll bring me a lily. Maybe next time, I won't be the one who's trying so hard to make things work. The problem with the ritual is if it doesn't happen that time, then you'll expect, anticipate, hope and wish that it will happen next time. And once you begin this ritual, it gets really hard breaking out of the cycle, because of all the constant hoping.

I am really at this crossroads with him.
Maybe I should just go to him...

...and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And (I)'ll begin to wonder why (I) came

How to Save a Life - The Fray

I'm scared of the response, if I actually tell him that my feelings for him have changed so much. Honestly, I was able to picture a house with him in it, children running around the both of us, taxes, and grocery shopping, and minivans, and home renovations, and sharing the bathroom and everything imaginable within middle class domesticity. But now, I can't even remember what color the house was, or if he was even in it. I don't picture a future with him. Just a few seconds ago, I thought the hard part would be telling him that - but I think the hard part is actually realizing that for myself. I guess it's not so much that I'm afraid to hurt him, I'm more afraid of letting him go.

Sunday, September 10, 2006
Show me the money?

I never thought I was the kind of person who valued financial gain over personal growth, but on Friday I received this job offer which turned those tables. I like to believe that one's professional growth is directly linked to one's personal growth, which is why I've always selected jobs that took some kind of social responsibility - whether it be through education, awareness, or outreach. Money was never really a concern for me. I was happy just as long as I got paid. But when these prospective employers dangled a big fat check in front of me, I found myself seriously wanting to paw at it. I swear I heard myself "meow." And that scared me. Do I actually have those paws?

Is this wrong? Is this materialism? Am I going to hell for this? Ok maybe not hell, but certainly a place where people keep track of their net income more than they visit their parents at the nursing home. Is this the place where I really want to be? Is this the person I want to become?

Because I just received my exam scores, and have to wait until the next school year to apply for a teaching position since this year already started, I decided to look for another job not specifically related to teaching. So I began my hunt. Backed by my idealism, I was dead set on working for an ngo. But when no opportunities opened up, I broadened my search, which is how this company found me.

They are offering a significantly larger annual salary than any first year teaching position, in fact, more than any entry level position in an industry. You might be wondering, so what's the problem? Well, I began to weigh my options - but instead of using personal growth as a qualifier, I replaced it with the dollars and cents. This position could be a terrific financial opportunity. I could probably pay off my college loans within a year if I wanted to - but within that year, I'm scared that my idealistic heart might get crushed between the file cabinets of corporate america, pierced by staplers, and thrown into the shredder.

I mean we all deserve to get paid well. There's certainly nothing wrong with making money. The problem lies in financial greed, in allowing wealth to run and control your life. I think I'm worried that if I start this job, and enjoy it, and enjoy the money they show me, I might put off teaching, put off grad school and my UC Berkeley dreams.

But I've been luckless with the ngo's so I'm kind of pushed into a corner right now. And I have absolutely no idea what to do. This is one of those times when I wish I wasn't the kind of person who saw two sides to everything. Being an objective person is a terrific quality, but indecisiveness can be just as bad as bias. Where's that whisper in your ear when you really need it?

I think I just realized the reason why post grads experience so much stress. I'm stepping away far enough from myself to finally see that I am so so so anxious about my future, about this next stage of my life. It's not that I'm scared of living it - just the opposite, I can't wait to live it. But, what scares me are the endless possibilities, all the options. I have one year before I can start teaching where I can basically do anything I want, but I can't even begin to narrow the what I want part down. This is one of those times when the decision really counts. I just hope I make the right one, and if I don't then I guess that's ok too - because as much as our mistakes can make us who we are us, they can never wholly define us.

Maybe I just have to stop worrying about what will happen in the future, and deal with what's happening now. And right now I need a job to pay off my loans. And right now, I have a position waiting for me. And what happens in a year will happen in a year.

Saturday, September 09, 2006
Rak mak mak na ka!



I'm feeling an incredibly huge nostalgic wave of longing for Thailand right now. All thanks to my Study Abroad roommate Ling Nicole, who left me a message.

Now all these memories are coming back: mangosteens, fire ants, ants in the mangosteens, tsunami restaurant, sweet pea's, pizza hut, movie theater, central!, tub/thap la moo, kunkru meeeeechelle, tanveee, and jesseeeca, ju ju bee!, tar tar = ta ta, chai and kung, suthep, sobbing on my first day, spiders in the bathroom, ants ants ants, tangled hair, fisherman pants, japanese tourists, snorkeling, olga driving the longtail boat, the wall of wave, bus rides, wad tham sua, climbing to the top, emerald pool, weekly meetings, slipping there, hot springs, monks, water = weather, how are you today?, game night, phi phi, amir, fire dance, fire children, krabi, coconut pancakes, dragon fruit, wednesday markets, phuket, the praying mcdonald, batik, nam khem, ahrooon, jai, ghost stories, the abusing gym teacher, wenk!, laem pom, tony's = home, gibbons, waterfalls, prince songkla university, tvc, elephants, nutella, don pretending he wanted to stop smoking, the overachieving elexis, edyta and her awesome outfits, james and all the jokes, nava and her contagious smile, olga getting lost and her famous "sorry guys," sheila doing everything, meghan who's still there, jess adopting the next door neighbors as her thai family, melissa and her falling shorts, matti and her cheerios, maddy and her tattoo, tata and that backpack - actually frontpack?, jujubee teaching us the cha cha, monica and her "connections" and adopting the little girl next door as her playmate, nicole and her energy, tanvi and her camera, me and my hair straightener.

A year later, I still treasure every moment I shared with all of you. Thanks for making it a summer I'll always remember.

Because my heart calls for you

"Dahil Ikaw"
by True Faith

Sa piling ba niya ikaw ay
May lungkot na nararamdaman
Damdamin mo ba'y hindi maintindihan
At sa tuwing ako ang
Nasa iyong isipan
May nakita ka ba na ibang kasiyahan

Refrain:
Nandito lang ako
naghihintay sa iyo
na mapansin ang aking damdamin
na para lang sa iyo

Chorus :
Dahil ikaw ang sigaw ng puso ko
ikaw ang nasa isip ko
ang nais ko ay malaman mo
na ikaw ang tanging pangarap ng buhay
pag-ibig ko sa iyo ibibigay
nais ko ay malaman mo
na mahal kita

Sa piling ba niya ikaw ay
may sakit na nararamdaman
damdamin mo ba ay sinasaktan
at sa tuwing ako ang
nasa iyong panaginip
na tayong dalawa masayang magkapiling

(repeat refrain & chorus)

Sana'y pagbigyan ang nadaramang ito
sana masabi mo na mahal mo rin ako

Chorus:
Dahil ikaw ang sigaw ng puso ko
ikaw ang nasa isip ko
ang nais ko ay malaman mo
na ikaw ang tanging pangarap ng buhay
pag-ibig ko sa iyo ibibigay
nais ko ay malaman mo

na mahal kita (ikaw ang sigaw ng puso)
na mahal kita (ikaw ang nasa isip ko)
na mahal kita (ikaw ang sigaw ng puso)
na mahal kita (ikaw ang nasa isip ko)

oh man, i'm lovesick right now.

Thursday, September 07, 2006
I choked on a spoonful of frosted flakes

I was having my morning breakfast and browsing through some blogs, when I stumbled upon this post by Matt D. of Fireflies in the Cloud. So apparently, these three men were charged with sexual assault on a corpse yesterday.



No, you're not misreading anything. You are not in the twilight zone, or on Jerry Springer. Three men were actually attempting to get down with and as dirty as this corpse. The story indicates that only one wanted to have sex with the corpse, and that his two friends were helping him. At that point, you might as well just jump on the bandwagon. Being an accomplice to something like this already entitles you to the Skeeve Award, so why let your bud have all the fun?

I sincerely hope that this is the only creepy story I'll run into for the rest of the year. I don't think I can handle anything more grotesque. I'm still baffled by it all, unable to grasp what was behind or what exactly their thought process was!

Do we have to lock up our coffins now, or wear chastity belts to our funerals? And to think, I thought six feet of dirt would keep anyone away. I guess I was mistaken.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Why my bank account will soon be empty

I can't wait to go furniture and accessory shopping for my room. So far, I already have a bedroom set: headboard, dresser, tall chest, and nightstand. These are a few of the things on my shopping list:


This ceramic lamp by designer Flavia Del Pra retailing at about $700. I could just make this myself: buy a pretty vase, or make one, or better yet have the talented Fathima throw one on the wheel for me. Glaze it pink. Wire it for the electrical component. Buy a lampshade, or buy a lampshade frame. Spend some time hunting for the perfect textile/fabric in the fabric district at NYC to attach to the frame... et voila! = beautiful lamp and full bank account.


I'm super in love with these concept shelves designed by Marianne Van Ooij. They are not for mass commercial sale, but I think I can find them at a furniture trade show. If I'm feeling friendly with the Craftsman saw, I can probably just buy some plywood, cut it into 4 strips, and carve out rectangular areas for the book slots. But it looks like the material she used is plastic, so I don't exactly know how I'll be able to accomplish that. These shelves are awesome though. They don't look as imposing as regular bookshelves, and besides - do I really need to display all my books in my room. I can place my favorites, currently reading, and soon to read books on these shelves, and store the rest in cabinets or in my trunk.


My desk has to be made of glass, and I won't settle for anything but. Pottery Barn is selling this baby for $699. The dimensions are a bit too large for my room, but I can't find a glass desk like this one anywhere else. Most of them look too modern for my taste, but this one encompasses just the right mixture of elegance and modern lines.


This is my dream mirror. I think this mirror has been floating around in my head since Ms. Benevento read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe to us in third grade. I always wanted a magical item, something through which I can enter a new world, but the whole wardrobe thing just didn't win me. I think I just envisioned that mystical portals and gateways took form in mirrors, so when I saw this, I knew I had to have it. It's manufactured by Horchow and retails at $375, and if I can't find a thrifty knock-off, then I'm likely to splurge on this.



I want this screen. It's so gorgeous and glam and perfect for my room. But ofcourse, Horchow makes it and it costs $860. I can probably find a piece inspired by this golden pattern, but until then, my eyes will stay green for this one.


My parents were packing a box filled with architecture and interior design magazines to be sent to my Ninong Johnny's Architecture and Design office in Iloilo, when I stumbled upon this mirror. I found it in the pages of Elle Decor and it is the most beautiful accent mirror I've ever seen. As weird as it sounds, this piece radiates so much personality that I feel like I've known it for years. It's designed by Thomas Pheasant and can be purchased at Baker. The magazine, which is a few years old, documents the selling price at $3392, but it has risen since then and now retails at $5586. I know, only in my dreams. But I'm determined to achieve the look! I'm gonna bother Mr. Guarino and relearn how to solder metal, so that I can solder the small mirrors to the metal sticks, and then to the larger mirror in the center. C'est possible!

Enough rambling. Project Runway is starting soon, and I still need to pick up Jorie.

I'm licensed to teach!

... well I will be very very soon because I

***Passed***

My Praxis Exam!

I got a 176 / 200! The New Jersey passing score is 162 / 200, so I am uber uber psyched. After four weeks of anxiously waiting for these results, I can finally breathe. I am definitely celebrating tonight.

Wow. It has just hit me. I'm actually going to be teaching High School English. It feels so bizarre sometimes because I think I'm still kind of young, and to picture myself in the front of the classroom reading Shakespeare is so surreal. This is really happening. This is really really happening.

I should have been an Interior Designer

I can't sleep. I'm haunted by my room, anxious that I can't fit my furniture in there. So, I measured the room's dimensions, as well as my furniture, and designed some basic floor plans for my furniture layout. These are my top four choices (the first is my #1 choice).




I really should sleep. I'm driving my brother to his first day of high school tomorrow, and I have a job interview in White Plains in the afternoon. Still awaiting my Praxis scores... hasn't it been four weeks from August 5th already?!

Hi. My name is Michelle and i'm a Gyllenhaalic.

Remember back when you were 12 and bought Teen Beat instead of lunch? Well my days of being a teeny bopper are somewhat returning because of Jake Gyllenhaal.


I've somehow deluded myself into thinking that I will meet and marry him someday. I'm gonna reread To Kill A Mockingbird (his favorite novel), so that he'll be smitten by my literary prowess. The best thing about teeny bopper crushes is that, you never really get hurt. I mean, you hope and dream that someday you'll at least be in the same room with this dude - but if it never happens, it's cool because you've already forgotten him and have moved on to the next hottie. I wish real life and real love worked out like that. Life would be a much happier place.

Nipping it

Just got back from watching Nip/Tuck at H's place.



Ofcourse, it's as hot and twisted as ever and I love it so much. I think I have a thing for bad boys, because I can't help but think Troy is hot despite the fact that he's an arrogant jerk to most of the women he's with. I guess my Tuesday nights will be spent at H's place now, because he seems pretty into it. We finally have a show! - well it's about time!

H update: I don't know what to call us. He cares about me and I care about him, but I honestly don't see a future for us toegther. There's been so much history between us that I can't allow myself to love him the way I used to - and even if I wanted to, I really don't think it would happen. He's around if I need him, but I'm keeping myself in check, remembering that I can't get emotionally attached.

Over the past few weeks, I've seriously considered not seeing him at all. We even got into a few fights over our status. Friends or not friends? Together or not together? Wifey or Bff? Whatever the case, I know that I can't picture living a life without him in it... even if his part is just as a friend. We dated for over three years. How can I say goodbye to all of that?

But it's also possible that I'm holding myself back from seeing and meeting new people because I have H. Speaking of which, K has been asking me out again and again for weeks now, even though that first date didn't blow over too well and I've just been stalling and avoiding him. One thing is for sure, I'm definitely not ready to really go out with anyone else until I've got this whole H thing figured out.

I guess I'm just scared of the process, mostly the process of getting over him. Reminds me of something from Sex and the City. I think Charlotte once said that the length of time someone needs to get over a significant other is double the time she was with that person.


Hmnn... that's kind of way too many lonely friday nights with Ben & Jerry.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Roomless no more

Three years ago, my parents began remodeling our house. I remember the day when I walked up the stairs to the second floor and there was nothing up there but the wooden frame. You might be wondering why it's taken three years for our house to be finished, well it's because my father, who's an architect, also thinks he is a contractor. After paying the hired contractor to build, he redid most of the work (windows/doors/etc), because it wasn't perfect in his eyes. So since he came to the conclusion that others are incompetent, he decided to do it all himself - minus the plumbing and electrical. So three years later, we're finally beginning to paint - and my room is next on the agenda.


I've chosen a shade of pinkish grey for my walls called French Castle and a very light light pink for my ceiling called Quartz White, both made by Behr Paints. I was on the verge of painting my room a light and bright pink, but opted for a neutral toned down shade -because well, I don't want to go blind in there. But I still couldn't let go of the vibrant pink shade, so I decided to have one accent wall of a more vibrant pink. I want a wallpapery design, something along the lines of Jocelyn Warner's Work.


She's got this same Kaleideskope pattern in pink, but it's a little too bright. I liked the dual tones in this design, but the pattern is not for me. I want something soft, girly like this pattern from Romo Textiles.


But I can't exactly substitute textiles for wallpaper, so it was only fate that I stumbled across this painting tool.

It's a pattern roller, where you choose a pattern, and then paint it along your wall giving the effect of wallpaper/faux finishes/stencils/hand painted, etc.

Oh man, I'm bursting with ideas right now and can't wait to get started. After having no room to call my own for the past three years, I'm uber grateful that I can finally have my own space - and I wanna make it as beautiful, relaxing, and unique as I possibly can.